Jennifer Giustra-Kozek, LPC, HpN

Replace Anger with Love

06/06/12: One of the biggest blocks to change I have seen in my clients is that they can not let go of anger.  The tendency in our world is to think that someone or something has made us angry. The truth, however, is that our anger comes from being mad at ourselves. We’ve disconnected from our deeper part of ourselves and instead are listening to our head.

 

Anger is usually the red flag that tells us that we are not taking care of ourselves.

Imagine that you were very excited about staying home and relaxing after a busy work week, you are cozy on a cool fall morning in your pajamas, sipping your cup of coffee.

All of a sudden the phone rings. It is your friend who does not have a ride home from the the airport.  “Okay,” you say with hesitation. This isn’t what you want to do, but something inside says you have to. This is a battle between your heart telling you what you truly “want,” versus your head shouting what you think you “should” do. You know you DO NOT WANT to leave the house, but instead of speaking your truth, your head wins, so you jump in the car.

You feel resistance growing inside of you as you head to the airport. As the moments tick by, you get angrier and angrier. “Why do I always have to be the one she calls? Where is everyone else?” These questions scream in your head. You feel absolutely overwhelmed. “When am I going to get a break? I need some rest.”

When you finally get there, you are so angry you can’t speak. The tension between the two of you is thick. Your day is ruined. Anger spills over to everything. You are snappy and irritable.

You think you are angry at your friend. However, your problem is that you are angry with yourself. The little child inside (the heart/soul) of you that needed to be nurtured and taken care of today is mad at YOU.

The best thing for you to have done was to speak your feelings to your friend and tell her the truth. But you didn’t. Out of some old belief that says “you are selfish if you do something for yourself,” you denied your feelings and are now filled with anger.

It is time to flip the switch on your belief. True selfishness is when you are walking around angry. You took your anger out on your friend, and all the other drivers on the street.

Wouldn’t it have been better to speak your truth and take the day for yourself, recharging your battery, so that you could face the world with love. It would have been so much nicer for you, and for everyone.

Your anger is a gift telling you that the little kid inside of you is mad because you are not listening to your heart. Your heart and gut on this particular morning wanted you to stay home. That was the loving thing to do for yourself. You needed rest. Instead, your head won. Out of some old negative belief, you made the decision not to honor yourself.  When you give yourself permission to acknowledge, honor and love the little child inside of you, you fill your cup so full that the love overflows to everyone. It is when you deny yourself and your needs that you create anger.

The next time you get angry and want to blame everyone for your unhappiness, stop, take a breath, and ask what the little kid inside of you needs to feel loved. This is where anger is released and you create a connection to love.

“Holding onto Anger is Like Drinking
Poison and Expecting the Other Person to Die.”

Buddha